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The Laws of Science and Rollerskating --Discussion--
Blood Red- ...
- Favorite Pokemon : Charizard
Posts : 506
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Join date : 2014-12-18
Location : Mt. Silver
- Post n°1
The Laws of Science and Rollerskating --Discussion--
by Blood Red Wed Jan 07, 2015 11:09 am
matthew11- Moderator
- Favorite Pokemon : Missingno
Posts : 328
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Join date : 2014-12-18
Age : 27
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- Post n°2
Re: The Laws of Science and Rollerskating --Discussion--
by matthew11 Tue Jan 13, 2015 10:07 am
Hubeh! Izz good!
But one minor flaw is that, the description of the setting and the characters went down as the story progresses. The intro was great, but, the body was lacking it. I couldn't feel how the characters react to one another, and how they feel about their surrounding areas.
There were many potential lines that can be brought up from your story to further show its essentiality and emotion or 'them feels' and even movement to the readers and to make them read while they feel what the characters feel and imagine them doing what they are meant to do from a certain point. But I can see that you have skills in writing dialogues, so no need to worry about that.
I hope this review can improve your writing
.
Oh, and when's part 2 coming up?
But one minor flaw is that, the description of the setting and the characters went down as the story progresses. The intro was great, but, the body was lacking it. I couldn't feel how the characters react to one another, and how they feel about their surrounding areas.
There were many potential lines that can be brought up from your story to further show its essentiality and emotion or 'them feels' and even movement to the readers and to make them read while they feel what the characters feel and imagine them doing what they are meant to do from a certain point. But I can see that you have skills in writing dialogues, so no need to worry about that.
I hope this review can improve your writing
.Oh, and when's part 2 coming up?
RobSp1derp1g- Admin
- Posts : 110
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Join date : 2014-12-18
Age : 35
Location : Behind my notebooks.
- Post n°3
The Lwas of Science and Rollerskating --Discussion--
by RobSp1derp1g Tue Feb 03, 2015 9:43 pm
matthew11 wrote:Hubeh! Izz good!
But one minor flaw is that, the description of the setting and the characters went down as the story progresses. The intro was great, but, the body was lacking it. I couldn't feel how the characters react to one another, and how they feel about their surrounding areas.
There were many potential lines that can be brought up from your story to further show its essentiality and emotion or 'them feels' and even movement to the readers and to make them read while they feel what the characters feel and imagine them doing what they are meant to do from a certain point. But I can see that you have skills in writing dialogues, so no need to worry about that.
I hope this review can improve your writing
Oh, and when's part 2 coming up?
The resolution of this ship will show up in What Happens.
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